I've been wondering if after all these weeks you'd like to meet? (lame joke I know, I couldn't help myself.)

 

Sooo... Um.. Haaayy!

 

It's been a while. I know, I know. Lo siento. But I'm here now and, to be honest, I'm not sure why. It's crossed my mind more than once in the last little while that I haven't really written in a long time. And every time that thought crossed my mind it grieved me. So here I am and, if you'll allow me to be even more honest, this may not  be that deep or very clear. You may read to the end and wonder if there was even a point. 

See it's not that I'm lacking thoughts, it's that these days there are way too many. It's not that I am lacking clarity, it's that some things are becoming painfully clear. It's not that there isn't a point, it's that I'm certain there is. So I find myself living, thinking, questioning, (and questioning and questioning), listening, grieving and back to thinking some more. Through it all I've been learning about myself, my world, my God, my heritage and how all these things intertwine. Some days it's exciting and enlightening. Other days it's scary and confusing. And some days, it's striaght up maddening.

One thing I've noticed is that in those seasons when life, my heart, or my mind are heavy I tend to write less. I haven't completely figured out why but I think it's because if feels like more of a burden in those times. Or something to do with my distaste for vulnerability. (Yes, even with myself. I know, we're working on it.) The funny thing is that I'm beginning to realise that those are the seasons I need to write the most, as a form of self care, as a way to process my world and as a way to hear and see God at work in my life.

So I guess this is me saying 'Hello'. I guess this is me recognising  that I can be better. Note that I'm not saying do better, but be better. I am slowly realising that life is more about the being than the doing. It doesn't matter what I accomplish if I'm not healthy doing it. This is me acknowledging that writing and self reflection bring me life, even when it hurts or makes me uncomfortable. This is me letting you know that I am thankful for you and this is me telling the universe that in 2016 I aspire to simply be. Whatever that entails, in all of it's mess and glory. 

Now I don't know what the year may bring, I can't promise this will be a super consitent blog, I can't guarantee new music this year, or that on paper this year will beat the last in accomplishments. But I can say that I want to continue to grow in faith, in heart, in mind and in my craft. And I want to do that with you if you'll join me. I'll try to be less neglectful and to always be as honest as my heart will allow (and sometimes a wee bit more).

So here's  a toast: to 2016, the unknown, and what's to come!

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