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Hello, it's me

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Hello, it's me

I've been wondering if after all these weeks you'd like to meet? (lame joke I know, I couldn't help myself.)

 

Sooo... Um.. Haaayy!

 

It's been a while. I know, I know. Lo siento. But I'm here now and, to be honest, I'm not sure why. It's crossed my mind more than once in the last little while that I haven't really written in a long time. And every time that thought crossed my mind it grieved me. So here I am and, if you'll allow me to be even more honest, this may not  be that deep or very clear. You may read to the end and wonder if there was even a point. 

See it's not that I'm lacking thoughts, it's that these days there are way too many. It's not that I am lacking clarity, it's that some things are becoming painfully clear. It's not that there isn't a point, it's that I'm certain there is. So I find myself living, thinking, questioning, (and questioning and questioning), listening, grieving and back to thinking some more. Through it all I've been learning about myself, my world, my God, my heritage and how all these things intertwine. Some days it's exciting and enlightening. Other days it's scary and confusing. And some days, it's striaght up maddening.

One thing I've noticed is that in those seasons when life, my heart, or my mind are heavy I tend to write less. I haven't completely figured out why but I think it's because if feels like more of a burden in those times. Or something to do with my distaste for vulnerability. (Yes, even with myself. I know, we're working on it.) The funny thing is that I'm beginning to realise that those are the seasons I need to write the most, as a form of self care, as a way to process my world and as a way to hear and see God at work in my life.

So I guess this is me saying 'Hello'. I guess this is me recognising  that I can be better. Note that I'm not saying do better, but be better. I am slowly realising that life is more about the being than the doing. It doesn't matter what I accomplish if I'm not healthy doing it. This is me acknowledging that writing and self reflection bring me life, even when it hurts or makes me uncomfortable. This is me letting you know that I am thankful for you and this is me telling the universe that in 2016 I aspire to simply be. Whatever that entails, in all of it's mess and glory. 

Now I don't know what the year may bring, I can't promise this will be a super consitent blog, I can't guarantee new music this year, or that on paper this year will beat the last in accomplishments. But I can say that I want to continue to grow in faith, in heart, in mind and in my craft. And I want to do that with you if you'll join me. I'll try to be less neglectful and to always be as honest as my heart will allow (and sometimes a wee bit more).

So here's  a toast: to 2016, the unknown, and what's to come!

toast.jpg


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My Week In Music 2: #MWIM- Home

There were some pretty sweet highlights this week. I rediscovered Amanda Marshall, she's a killer Canadian singer, songwriter and I have some great memories of listening to her stuff growing up. I also had my first listen of Shawn McDonald's Brave. I haven't listened to much of his stuff in a while, so it was cool when it came up in my Spotify discovery. I am looking forward to listening to it some more in coming week. There were some pretty cool moments at first listen.

Song of the week definitely goes to Home. It's on Bethel's We Will Not Be Shaken and features Hunter Thompson. Dude's got the voice of an angel. Like. For. Real. Listening to Thompson share about what inspired the song, I immediately related with his sentiment about finding home. The yearning for that place where you know all is well, where you belong. The realisation that no matter where on earth you search nothing will quite satiate that desire. 

"Draw to me Jesus

I’ve made my heart a home"

That tension is so real to me. I regularly get hit with the pangs that come with knowing I was not made for here. What struck me, was that rather than simply yearning for eternity, which is my regular response. His search for home led him to draw closer to the One that is home. 

Ultimately home, for the believer isn't found in a place but in Christ.. Not something to strive for, but rather make room for. Home is found in intimacy with the Father, in walking in step with His Spirit. In that relationship where we are fully known and fully loved.

It is found in rest.

A lesson I am fighting to learn everyday. 

I think this song will be on the soundtrack of this year for me as I continue to work out those themes in my own life. Feel free to let me know what home means to you. I'd love to hear your thoughts. 

Like last week I made you a collage of what I've been listening to this week. If you haven't yet you can listen to Home below.

R.

 

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The Tortoise Always Wins

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The Tortoise Always Wins

I'm a visionnary. So it's quite easy for me to get ahead of myself. I can see where I want to get to and all the pieces of the puzzle along the way. I can craft strategies and plans for every scenario possible if I give myself enough time. But at the end of the day, most of that doesn't matter without the right tools to build, and the right foundation to build on.

I walked into this whole experience pretty blind and naive. I figured 'what the hey, I'll record some music!' It is wild what the process has taught me about my strengths and weaknesses. About where I have built well and where there is room to grow.  It is difficult for me at times to see the end goal and know that I can't quite get there. That the things I am building towards aren't quite within reach yet.

I love Propaganda. He is a writer I regularly shake my head at because he is so talented. (Like for real though, check out his stuff it's crazy and free!) He has a song called Raise The Banner that has been speaking to me in particular these days, It talks about the need for excellence in all that we do with our God given talents. The marking part for me is when he says

"I read the story a million times. Tortoise always wins."

Essentially, slow and steady wins the race. Or for me: Slow down. Breathe. BUILD, Enjoy the journey, it's more important than you think!

In this season, I am realising that means to build. Taking the time to assess where I am and how I can invest in myself and my dreams to get where I need to go. My journey may not be like everyone else's or anything like what I expect it to be.

BUT.

It will be lead by God.

It will be the best of me.

It will be excellent.

Ha. The beauty is, if that's the case, no matter the outer ranking, this tortoise always wins.

R.


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